Official weigh in's only

Okay, I've decided now that as my weight fluctuates quite a bit, I am only going to provide weigh in's once a week from Slimming World, now as I go on a Wednesday evening, this probably means you will only get them once a week on a Thursday morning (or evening, depends when I can get online).

Weekend has been good and bad - I've tried to eat better and have low syn snacks available for when I need to eat, but I've not managed to get out Mr Motivator again, so that's not so good.

So far today, I've eaten the rest of last night's tea, which was Bacon Pasta Thingy, which isn't too bad, and copious amounts of coffee - we have Roast for tea which I cook quite healthily and I won't be having any of the chocolate sponge pudding with chocolate custard so I can feel quite virtuous there as well.

Anyway - see you later.

Line in the Sand

Woo Hoo, digging out Mr Motivator obviously did the trick as I got up this morning and I'm now 14 st 13.8!!!!! I'm so happy I could puke (but I'm not bulimic). Finally I can draw a line in the sand and say, right now I'm not going back above 15st - this may be difficult as today is our end of month Friday tea, which is a takeaway, Geoff and I usually have a curry with rice though so this shouldn't be too bad, it's the sweets that normally go with it, but I will try to look at healthier alternatives - may have a bag of snack a jack crisps and try and get hold of some Coco Pops Coco Rocks breakfast bars as apparently they are only 4 syns each, so quite a reasonable snack.

Yay, anyway I've got to go get ready to go to work - if you see some fat bird skipping today, it may be me!

AWOL

Okay, so I went AWOL yesterday, but that was because I had to spend the afternoon (a waste of time as it turns out) at the hospital with my husband. I got a morning in work, didn't even get my lunch in the office and then had to take him to hospital.

I was very good though, I ate properly during the day, however we didn't get home until 6.45 pm by which time we were really tired, and both had headaches from caffein withdrawals and so ended up having a Kebab for tea, oh and 3 oat and raisin cookies.

Still - having been 15 st 1 yesterday morning, I got up and was 15st 0.8 today, I think the exercise on Tuesday has had an effect, so I am going to try and up my exercise, this means dragging out my Mr Motivator DVD as it has small blocks, and even I can fit 15 minutes into my day.

Anyway, this was just a quick post as I'm still feeling washed out from yesterday.

TTFN

AARRRGGGGGHHHHH!

Okay, so this morning I was 15 st 2lb - this is not helping!!!!

Well today, I thought I was being quite good, took my yogurt to work, 2 pieces of fruit and because I didn't have a lot of time I took a pot noodle type thing by Morrisons for Lunch. When I checked with Slimming World online, it turns out that one pot was 19 syns!!!

The one good thing today is some serious exercise as I had to walk from the garage after dropping off our car for repair and also had to walk back there later to collect the car - uphill to work and downhill to collect but a 20 minute walk each way. Hopefully that will show on the scales soon!

Tea tonight was Sausages in Gravy (healthy ones from Morrisons) with a jacket potato and peas so that wasn't bad. I made some oat and raisin cookies though and had to try some, so not so good.

I really want to get rid of my overhanging tum and start wearing clothes instead of them wearing me. I'm looking forward to shopping in the cheap shops and being able to find lots of things that fit in all the right places.

Not too bad....

Okay so yesterday was not great, I got the baking bug and made homemade Oreos with a lovely creamy centre, Banana and Walnut cake and Syrup sponge pudding. Yes, I tried the Oreos and yes I had some of the pudding with custard, it was all lovely and that combined with Roast Chicken, roast potatoes, cabbage, cauliflower and stuffing - oh and the one slice of Pizza that was my entire eating for the rest of the day was not totally brilliant. But when I stood on the scales this morning, my weight had only increased by 0.2 of a pound to 15 st 1.8 so not too much of a disaster.

Today started much better as I was working today so took my usual yogurt to work for breakfast and two pieces of fruit for snacks, together with a cous cous salad for lunch. However, I had forgotten that it was a colleagues birthday and the tradition is to buy everyone cakes on your birthday. So I have also had a custard and jam pastry and a fondant fancy today, oh and tea was not on the plan as it was Mascarpone Macaroni, which contains 250g of Mascarpone at 6 syns per 28g!!! (I just had to look that up). I either run a marathon this evening or face the fact that I'm not going to lose weight today either.

I do want to lose weight, I caught a glimpse of my wedding picture on the mantlepiece earlier - I weighed about 11st then, and thought I was fat - I've always thought I was fat, even when I was 9st 2lb I thought I was fat and ugly. I'm not even sure that if I do lose all the excess weight I'm carrying I will feel as though I am slim and beautiful, but I do have some lovely clothes and underwear that I would like to get back into - I just need to find a way to stop sabotaging myself, and it is sabotage. Why can I not make the healthy, sensible choice that will allow me to have the body I want, there must be something inside me which is saying No, you cannot have that!

Or is it fear of the unknown - it's been so long since I had that body, I cannot remember what it was truly like, will I like myself slim, will I be able to handle all the attention? or am I hanging on to the fat me so that I can blend into the background and use the 'bubbly fat person' to hide what's really going on.

Hmmm... that's a bit deep for me, so I'll sign off for the minute and go ponder

Must Try Harder!

Okay, so yesterday was an unmitigated disaster - for tea I had a stir fry rice with beef, king prawns with pineapple (at least trying to get one of my 5 a day in there!) and some boiled rice, which has probably shown on the scales but I wasn't brave enough to stand on them this morning!

Today, being Sunday, means roast dinner tonight, and it's the one night of the week that we have pudding, so probably not going to be too good there either, but I will try and be good during the day today. So far I've had:

1x tea with usual

2x coffee with usual

Anyway, will try and come back later and fill you in on the details of the day.

Going downhill fast!

Well, I now know that Lidl don't sell grapes - I tried, honest I did, so I ended up with a big bag of Lidl's Maltesers and a set of 5 small bars of chocolate with chopped nuts, but I have only eaten 2 so far, and they were lovely.

As a little aside, I can highly recommend Paul if you are planning a trip to the cinema - IT'S AMAZING, so funny, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are EPIC! and the special effects on the Alien are brilliant.

Don't think today is going to get any better on the diet as I really don't feel like cooking tea so I may well end up asking Pizza Hut to do our tea.

Hmmm....

Okay, yesterday was not so good (think it was probably the cheese on toast), my weight this morning was 15 st 1.6 lb so a bit one step forward 2 steps back.

Keep trying!!! today I'm due to go to the cinema with the family to see Paul. We usually take our own sweets and drinks so I'm going to try and buy some grapes to have instead, but those sweets may call me too loud, we will have to see.

So far today I've had:

1x tea with usual

4x coffee with usual

2 slices of eggy bread (fried in frylight)

1 slice of bread and butter

Well, I'll try and get back later to fill you in on how the rest of the day has gone - oh but I did do 2 hours of housework today, so a bit more exercise than I usually get.

Still struggling

Well, it's been another day of battling with hunger as I run round after family - again it started well (if I'm at work it's easy as I always sort out lunch to take in). But when I get home it's a different story, this evening my daughter was staying at a friends house and needed me to give her a lift over there as it was raining so tea was not as well planned as it should have been if I had been able to come home and just get on with cooking.

Anyway, chalk it up to experience & carry on - today's food:

4x Tea with milk and sweetener

1x Coffee with milk & sweetener

Activia Vanilla yogurt from multipack

banana

Cous Cous Salad (1/2 syn for the flavoured cous cous packet from Morrisons)

1 slice Banana & walnut bread

2 slices cheese on toast with pickle

chicken curry & rice

We'll see tomorrow whether it has had any effect good or bad on my weight. TTFN

Not so bad

Well, yesterday was really not so bad, I stood on the scales this morning and they said 15 st. 0.6 so that's about half a pound off - yes I know it's not a lot but at least it is in the right direction and gives me a bit of a spur on for today.

Suppose I should mention where I want to get to - my destination. Well, ideally I would like to get to 9st 2 lb, I remember when I was 9st 2lb - it was a very long time ago (in a galaxy far far away!) when I was 14. I remember it so well as my target was to diet to 9 st. I was the same height as I am now and 9 st was mid way between my ideal highest and lowest weight for my height. It was just before easter and my step dad bought florentines from the local bakery, florentines are lovely but have a chocolate base and are really high in sugar, fat and calories. I had been dieting really well, reached 9 st 2 lb and had a florentine - I decided that that had ruined my diet completely and instead of just enjoying the treat and carrying on with the task at hand I blew it completely and went on a binge. To this day I regret that, but I was 14 and didn't have the wisdom of years that I do now some 1/4 of a century later.

That's why I want to keep writing this blog, I think it can help me keep perspective and focus on where I'm going - if you choose to follow me on the journey, you ma be around for some time, I really think it's going to take me ages to get where I'm going. I may reach a higher weight and be happy where I am, I'll decide that along the way.

Anyway, I'll sign off for now as I have to get ready to go to work, but I'll try and get back later with details of all I've eaten today.

Curates Egg

Well today has been the proverbial good in parts. It started well, but due to the fact that I was running around after family, I didn't plan properly, ended up starving so I just ate what was available - not on plan but hey ho. So here's what I've eaten today:

2x Coffee with semi-skimmed milk & sweetener

4x Tea, again with semi-skimmed milk & sweetener

Activia fat free strawberry yoghurt (small one from multipack, not the snackpot)

Chilli with Rice (syn free)

Banana

Apple

Chicken & Mushroom Pie with Chips

2 slices of 50/50 kingsmill with Clover lighter

1 piece of ginger cake

Well I suppose it could have been worse and it was only one meal out of the three today which was not so good (we will see what it's done on the scales tomorrow!)

In the beginning

Right, okay, I've decided to start blogging about my diet story, so I suppose I should start with my weight today. I'm not proud of this but it's 15 stone 1 pound 0.2, oh and I'm only 5 feet 3.5 inches tall (If I were 8 feet tall I might be the right weight).

I'm hoping that by blogging and working through everything surrounding my weight, I may find it easier to get proper control of it. I'm a member of Slimming World, however just being a member is no guarantee of losing weight - you have to follow the eating plan (that's where I keep falling down). I like the plan, but I also like Chocolate and have never learned to eat small portions. If I eat chocolate it's a 200g bar in one hit, with some crisps as well, and for some reason I am quite happy to eat until I feel ill. I've noticed that some of my skinny friends are able to just stop and go 'no if I eat any more I'll feel all bloated' - that just does not seem to compute with me, but it's a place I would dearly love to get.

Anyway, I'm going to try and blog details of what I eat each day so that I can see what's happening, just have to make sure that I'm really honest with what I put in and don't get amnesia!

So far today I've had a cup of tea with one sweetener and some semi-skimmed milk